Guest Blogger Post #1: Halloween Binge

An Empty Bag . . . SPOOKY!
An Empty Bag . . . SPOOKY!

With this post, I am starting a series – Journal of a Binge . . . and Beyond.  It is a real life journal of someone who struggles with this oh-so-common challenge.  While she will remain anonymous, we can all thank her for her honesty that allows so many of us to feel a little less alone in this very human struggle.  I will add comments, but the rest is her generous sharing of what has been a long and often painful journey.  Food cravings are usually not just related to “addictive” food chemistry, nor are they just a product of unsupportive attitudes.  In my experience, cravings are usually a combination of both.  They can feel unbelievably powerful at times, but I strongly believe that no one is unable to improve their feeling of control around food – any kind of food, even Halloween candy.  It does take time though, and our journal writer has agreed to share the ups and downs along the way.

It was the day after Halloween and the candy in the cupboard started calling to me at about 7 pm. At first, not too loudly; I tried to ignore it and read my book, but it persisted. WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Why does it do this to me??? I just KNOW it senses when I am feeling a bit vulnerable and POUNCES. Then my husband went out to get gas and, with that, my last bit of restraint fell away. (I never binge in public.) I went to the cupboard and took out two Reeses peanut butter cups and two Snickers, knowing with full certainty that I would be dipping in for more very soon. In fact, I knew that I would be finishing off both bags before the night was over. I never stop until it’s all gone. Never.

I quickly ate the candy. It was too sweet and I felt gross, but there was, as always, something about it that made me want to eat myself into sickness and oblivion. Once I started, there was no turning back. Tomorrow I would get back onto my strict no-sugar diet and tomorrow… What am I thinking? Once I give in, every brownie, cookie and chocolate bar on the planet will hear about it and they will scream at me non-stop until I silence them by eating every last one. On top of that, there will be the smothering “love” of the Hershey hugs and kisses and who can resist that? I knew from experience that I would do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and… Oh, ugh. 🙁

I stopped. I just stopped. I ate four pieces of Halloween candy. Big Deal! Big F’in Deal!

Kim’s Comments:  YES!  I agree . . . Big F’in Deal!  It’s just 4 candy bars, small ones at that.

Why was this time different?  Do you see glimmers of real self-compassion shining through?  Her reaction was “YES!  I stopped,” instead of “I knew I couldn’t control myself around this candy.”  An enormous shift in thinking has begun.  Follow along on the journey!

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